Abandonment

“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” ~Lamentations 3:22-23

What does it mean to abandon something/someone? The dictionary’s definition is: the action or fact of neglecting/deserting or being abandoned/deserted/neglected; to give up absolutely; relinquishing all connection with someone/something. If you’ve read my testimony series of blogs, you know this is something that I struggled with in my past before I came to know Jesus, (and, admittedly, still struggle with currently at times, but it’s not an all the time kind of thing) BUT that’s not what I’m going to be talking about today in regards to how it negatively affected me. Sometimes, it’s actually good to abandon things; sometimes you are focusing way too much on an addiction, maybe you’re focusing way too much on some sort of processing ‘tool’ but its way more often than it should be/becoming something that is considered unhealthy because of how much you do it/go to it. Have you ever heard the phrase: “Too much of a good thing is actually a bad thing”? Yea, me too!

This blog will be based off of something I did too much of, that was actually serving to be helpful/can be very helpful, but because I was focused on processing so much in this way I was becoming unhealthy in other areas of communication. It’s what I decided to abandon during our whole time in Georgia in order to grow closer to God, and how it has helped me to grow in Him. The last couple days we were in Turkey, I received the next part of my growth plan: abandon something that you feel you can’t go without, and use that time to REALLY listen for His voice in place of the time you’d use to do that activity, in my case being when I would write in my journal. Journaling has been my way of processing thoughts for a long time, of making sure I would see how I’m feeling and could “properly” talk to God about them; but that’s just it honestly: there is no “proper” way to talk to God because He welcomes us to come as we are, not to be perfect in how we pray/talk to Him. So, it’s not inherently a bad thing, but I was doing it so much that I would either process it with God, feel convicted to talk to the people/person who hurt me, and then I would either NOT do it or I would go to them, but I wouldn’t share everything because I didn’t want to offend them.

The thing is though; it’s not a bad thing to offend people, it just becomes a bad thing if you are doing it with the INTENTION of hurting (unhealthy) them, not as a means to express how YOU are feeling (healthy). How they react is not your responsibility because they are responsible for their own emotions/feelings, just like you are responsible for your own emotions/feelings; the only thing you are responsible for is making sure that you are coming to them with pure intentions, out of love and because you have already talked it through with God first. So, because I surrendered my journal, I had to express every bit of emotion I was feeling, also making sure to keep God in the loop so that He could keep my tongue from trying to make it about assumptions or accusing them of doing something, keeping the focus on how I am feeling and how it made me feel when something was done/said rather than blaming them/projecting pain onto them.

“The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god. They will receive blessing from the LORD and vindication from God their Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, God of Jacob.” ~Psalm 24:4-6

It’s something I’m still working on for sure, BUT I am happy to say that I am getting better at expressing myself but still being sure that I stay between the guidelines of what He says and am still allowing Him to keep my feelings in check. I am fully placing my trust in Him because He is the only one who can truly judge any person since He’s able to look into anyone’s heart/mind and I cannot do so. I do miss my journal, and it has been hard not to go back into the safety of my journal where no prying eyes would/should see it (aside from God of course), but each time I find myself longing for the journal, I remember that God is a MUCH better hiding place. I know now, even more so than I did before, that He really does know best and He will help me process in ways I didn’t see as possibilities beforehand. It’s actually very sweet and touching to know how much He truly does desire for us to find our safe place to hide in Him rather than attempting to rely on my own strength.