Season of Singleness

Guys, I’m exhausted. I’m tired of pretending that I’m fine and that I don’t have a right to be upset about some of the things that have been going on. But then I realized something that I should’ve realized long before today: it’s not about me. I have been so focused on being sad, heartbroken over something that I can’t change, that I’ve let myself stop focusing on God and what HIS plan is. I’ve become so distracted trying to become someone I’m not, trying to change myself to show a guy that I love him, but what’s the point? I mean, God already says that we are made in His image, that by following Him we will be led along His path for our life and that we are being molded the whole time. In Philippians 1:6 it says, “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” He will not stop working on me, He will never stop chiseling away at my hardened heart, He will never stop pursuing me, even after I’m finally made into His image when he returns. Why? Simple; because he loves me, he loves me because I’m His child. I disappoint him daily and yet he still waits patiently for me to admit that I’ve been an idiot for trying to do life without Him.

All this time wasted by thinking about me, I didn’t even realize what God was doing, how he has been preparing me, arming me with the strength and courage to go on this mission. I didn’t realize just how much peace and comfort he’s actually been lavishing on me, by showing me people that I can really trust, helping me to really see what amazing people I’ve been blessed to do life with as we walk so closely with God when we do His work together. He has shown me in the everyday moments, coffee or lunch with a friend, the sunset and sunrise, sound and wise counsel from many people, the smell right before it’s about to rain/snow, kitty cuddles, the moment when a song tells you exactly how you are feeling and truly moves you, and so much more. I’ve found peace, the stillness only His peace can bring every day I dig further into His Word, finding verses I didn’t really meditate on but are helping me now.

“For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land – a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey.”-Deut. 8:7-8

It’s so cool to see how Deuteronomy 8:7-8 may not really hit home with me today, but then I come across it again tomorrow and it’s like the sole verse that strikes me to my core and brings me peace. God truly speaks through His Word, and all of us have our own individual interpretation of each verse, but God can/does bring certain verses to the brim of our thoughts when we need them. To me at this moment, that verse represents a scenic insight into what to expect when we get to Heaven one day with God, into what He has in store for us when we enter into His kingdom. It gives me hope too, and I’ve been in desperate need for some sort of hope sent by God because I’ve been feeling down in the dumps, down on myself. I felt disheartened by heartache, but I also started second-guessing His call for me to go on this mission in August. That was just Satan talking, him trying to dissuade me and cause me to stumble off the path God has clearly set before me. When I read James 4:13-15, it really encouraged me to keep going, to keep pursuing this, to renew my courage in following this next major calling and not to give it up because it’s “too hard”.

“Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s Will, we will live and do this or that.”-James 4:13-15

You know, it’s funny. There are a lot of people that ask me why I usually take back roads over interstates and freeways if given the opportunity. So to answer: back roads are the ones that aren’t traveled as much. Nowadays, people prefer to get places quickly; we just want to rush around, we go for the straightaway, the easier way. But as for me? I love going the back ways, to take my time and enjoy the ride. I usually have to leave my house a little earlier than usual so that I can still get to where I need to be on time, but at least I can actually enjoy blasting my music, or just talking one-on-one with God out loud. But, isn’t that what we are supposed to do as followers of Christ? To take the road less traveled, the route that’s meant to grow us into the people God designed us to be. If I’m wrong feel free to correct me, but I’m sure that as true followers, we are supposed to take the path that few travel, that follows along with God’s Will for our lives. The only way we find that path, however, is trusting God completely, by surrendering our life to Him and accepting that His way is the best way. And, if for some reason I am wrong about the path, He will guide me away from the wrong ones and back to the right one, so long as I trust in Him and His plan.

Now, back to the storm that’s been raging in my heart caused by heart break; I have slowly found God’s grace, turning my sorrows into songs full of praise for Him. I have come to realize that the reason God sends storms our way is to change us, to chisel away at a hardened part of our heart, an idol we may have unintentionally made because we genuinely thought it was the best option for us. In Ecclesiastes 7:3 it says, “Frustration is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.” When we are sad, frustrated and confused/anxious, we become vulnerable. God has a huge opportunity to not only heal us and comfort us from those hurts, He can really chisel away, to really change our hearts in a big way. The larger the storm of turmoil, the more so we want Him to come and comfort us, to bring us peace. Some common phrases we tend to use are “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” and “God will never push us past what we can handle.” Well, I want to challenge that second quote and say that it’s true and false. Truly, He won’t give us more that we can handle, but it’s false because our limit of what we can handle is different then what God knows we can handle, that’s why it usually seems like something we can’t handle. And the reasoning behind that is simple: we aren’t God, so we wouldn’t know that limit. All we know is that each trial we face seems to get harder because God is continuously growing our limits, pushing those boundaries in healthy ways that bring us closer to becoming the woman/man He wants us to be.

The best part about the storms we go through, besides of course our growth in Him is in 1 Peter 5:10. “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” Praise the Lord for this good news!

In conclusion, and in light of giving glory to God on Valentine’s Day, I’m deciding that I won’t be dating for awhile. I believe that God does have someone for me, but truthfully, I’m not ready for him, whoever he is. With the help of my wise counsel, I found a bunch of videos by Andy Stanley that have been shown to me, convicting me to realize that I’ve only focused on getting the right person because that’s how society is nowadays. What I needed to be doing is working on becoming the right person for the man God has for me, the complete opposite of what the world tells us to do. I also believe that by shifting this focus, I’ll get into a better mindset by jumping all in to this mission, to the call God has placed on my heart to be His hands and feet, working alongside the World Race, my squad members and most importantly, God himself. After all, by focusing on God, it will be a lot easier to really get into the center of His calling, to be beside Him in true peace, the only version of peace and calmness that matters because only He can give it.

“God is within her, she will not fail; God will help her at break of day.” –Psalm 46:5

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” –Galatians 2:20