Processing Changes

Romania, part two, was an unexpected (but welcomed) surprise. When we were at Turkey debrief, our squad mentor (Ari) told us helpful things about Turkey as well as an update about the date of our PVT (parent vision trip) which also turned out different than what we imagined, as well as a decision on whether or not we would return to Romania to work with Ukrainian and Russian refugees, or if we would go to Kyrgyzstan for our final month in the field. For the most part, we had, mostly, a unanimous decision to return to Romania, but it was harder for some squad-mates who had chosen Kyrgyzstan instead. In Georgia, we had the burn and some blue cross training on how to minister to people who had went through intense trauma, essentially PTSD, so that we could serve our Ukrainian friends to the best of our ability and to take some of the pressure off of our Romanian hosts, Ana and Raul. The journey to Romania was different than the first time; since they had houses set up for refugees, they had to use all of their vehicles for the squad who was still there, as well as when they’d go to the Ukrainian border and transfer refugees into those houses for long-term or for short-term if they had wanted to transfer into a different country (or back to a safer part of Ukraine) soon. 

So instead of being picked up at the airport by our host, we ended up taking a crazy long train ride (that was actually an usually long train ride as we found out later; definitely a God thing though) that brought us into Craiova late at night. The first week was primarily evangelism on the streets for our squad, and just getting accustomed to doing ministry alongside not only our hosts (because round 1 in Romania was primary being stuck in quarantine) but also L squad, another 11n11 squad that had launched with us back in August (but they went to different countries). So, they were basically showing us what they did/have been doing so that we could take over for them once they left for their last country. I’ll admit, it was nice to see another squad and have more English speakers to talk to, but I think it really split up our own squad in some ways because it was a rough route for all of us, in different ways. For me, I had had a hard time connecting with my squad in some ways, and it was easier to just turn to the other squad or the contacts within each country than it was to turn to my own squad-mates. I can expand on that more in the next blog, but for now, I’ll get back to Romania.

So, what did we do? There were/are 8 houses in total, and they are working on adding another one here soon, that all house refugees. Two of the houses are more short term than the others, meaning they have refugees coming and going rather frequently. Our job was to make sure our assigned houses (broken up into our teams) had all they need: common household supplies, food, water (because they couldn’t drink tap water), pet supplies (if applicable) and of course any children/baby supplies. They would send our team leaders a list, which would be run by our hosts for them to approve, and then we would be sent to go and get what they needed and bring it to them. All the houses are within walking distance of our hosts’ home, so needless to say we did A LOT of walking in our last month. When we finished with those, and/or if we didn’t have to pick-up supplies yet, we ended up working within the church either doing small chores for our hosts/make updates to the building, working to organize the mini market we had inside the office for refugees to come get clothes/hygienics/food items if they preferred to do so, or out on the streets doing evangelizing/inviting students to the youth group or to even to some random sport events we would hold. 

In addition to all of that, we were also getting prepped for our re-entry into the US, so we were told to do a packet that is specifically assigned to help us to process our year and know how to re-enter without allowing the US culture to corrupt what God did in all of us throughout the year. It was probably the second hardest month for me because truth be told, I hadn’t truly processed a lot of what had been done/what I had felt/why I had felt what I did in different situations, so it was overwhelming. However, I am a pro at hiding my emotions, or so I thought; as soon as L squad left, all those emotions that I had pushed down, came back up. During ministry hours, I was able to push them aside temporarily and not let it affect how I served those I came to serve, but the second I had “left” our assigned ministry, they resurfaced. I spent many of those nights in Romania crying myself to sleep, wrestling with God because I knew that I had been so transformed during this year and wanting to make sure that, when I looked back on this season of my life, I would see ALL the good as well as the not so great parts of it. 

Yes, God definitely helped me to see both things, and the emotions I felt that were overwhelming I no longer have, but in the moment of wrestling…it was difficult. Thanks to my mentor and coaches, along with some of my squad-mates, and of course God (if it’s not obvious), I was able to process well and truly accept those changes made, to take them and allow them to be useful to God instead of holding myself back like I knew I had been. To explain the Race is an impossible task; not only is it different for everyone who went, it’s also something that you’d have to go through yourself to truly understand, and that’s okay. If anything, it forces me to leave my comfort zone in new ways and to talk about what I didn’t want to talk about because I have a new boldness, I have a new desire to see His work be done. That fire I had when I first began to follow Christ has returned with a new fuel that is burning brightly! There will be times where it feels like my flame has dulled, but now I know how to ask God to reignite me, to break away what needs to be taken and to put in place the changes I need to adjust to. The Lord is in charge of my life, even more than he has been, and everyday I give him a little bit more.