“You’ve kept track of all my wandering and my weeping. You’ve stored my many tears in your bottle – not one will be lost. For they are all recorded in your book of remembrance.” ~Psalm 56:8 TPT
I got tattoo #4; AND, I got it later than I intended, but I am glad that I waited because I realized that I needed to let God a bit more into it in order to better refine the meaning of this tattoo. This one is a reminder from our time in Ukraine, but there was yet another big lesson I learned/big next step I took in my walk with God, and that tattoo will be getting done this coming Thursday (so keep on a lookout for that one as well). As most of you know, I am hurting a lot over what is happening in Ukraine, so whenever I looked back at the tattoo design God had presented to me, it made even more sense. The “theme” of these two (if I had to summarize the theme) is one of emotions and growth in my walk with Him; and not just in how I choose to express them, but also in regards to how I see God and what His character is/what His heart looks like.
So, just like how I prayed into my other 3 tattoos, I prayed intently into the one I got a couple days ago that would represent my time in Ukraine well. I didn’t think He’d present me with two, but we did a couple fun questions as a team and one of them was our favorite tree; little did I know that was where God would present to me another tattoo idea to best represent my time in Ukraine. And, just like the other ones, I first get the picture from God and pray with Him to see what it represents as far as how I grew in that particular season with Him; then, I pray about the placement and ask Him where He wants it in order to represent something significant in how he uses that particular thing to guide me (I know, it doesn’t make complete sense; but God knows exactly what I mean). Then, I would need to ask Him what He would want me to say to people who asked about it, and how to go into sharing His Word with them through it/use it as a tool to share about HIM; and, last but not least, there needs to be a verse that goes along with it so I can memorize it for my own growth (and also with others’ too when it was time to share).
“Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. Stretch out your hand to heal and perform signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus. After they prayed, the place where they were meeting filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly.” ~Acts 4:29-31
My 4th tattoo is a picture of a bottle (similar to the ones that hold messages in them), with a charm hanging off of it that says “bold”, and its half full of water while little water droplets slowly fall into it. Now, if you know Psalm 56:8 at all, you probably know where I’m going with this, but for those who don’t know it by heart, this is literally what I picture in my mind every time I come across this verse. It represents the emotional time I had in Ukraine; I felt a special connection with the country as soon as I got there, almost as if I was home. And, one of the little boys in the orphanage (we’ll call him Glen for privacy/safety purposes) looked exactly like me, as if he could’ve been a twin brother. The little boy is only 13 and I’m 23, so obviously he’s not my twin, but God used him to show me that having emotions is a GOOD thing. Something I learned quickly as I grew up, either caused by bad relationships/friendships and other situations: emotions were not acceptable, and if you have to have them, you need to limit them. Or, you just need to suck it up and move on, holding those emotions in and just pushing them down deep and never bringing them to light (obviously the unhealthy way, but it is “easier” to do in the moment; but it’s like a slow poison).
“The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.” ~Psalm 28:1
BUT, during our 4th month, God began showing me just how beautiful emotions are, and how much He does treasure them since He is a God of relationship. He showed that each of my tears are valuable, that they are special enough to keep a record of, and that He catches every single one as they fall. He showed me that the best thing is always honesty, even if it could mean losing a friendship/relationship; because at the end of the day, if that friendship/relationship is meant to stay with you in your life, He will provide a way for it to be there. If not, just as you would when leaving a house of an un-peaceful person, you brush the dust off your hands and bless them, leaving with kindness and grace. When I looked up the picture on Pinterest, I found a perfect one; however, the tag said tears and while it made sense, that word wasn’t the word God wanted me to put on there. In month 4 of the Race, I learned about how to be bold AND how to do it well: saturated in His love, kindness, grace and mercy. He helped me to realize that tears are not something to be ashamed of; they are something to be PROUD of, but not the haughty kind of pride, just enough to know that they are good and honorable, that they ARE bold! If you haven’t read my Bold and Seen: Part 1&2 blogs yet, go back to them; my key that I ended up giving to Lilianna had the word “bold” etched into the back and that’s where I learned how to be bold in ALL circumstances.
Now, the placement I wasn’t sure of for a hot minute. I knew it represented emotions, it represented vulnerability, and so I wanted to maybe put it in a place that’s kind of vulnerable, that maybe you may hide behind if you are afraid and you use your own body to hide. Immediately, I thought of my arms because when you shield yourself, you put your arms up in front of your face; and usually, this is done when you are hiding or feel like you need to defend yourself/guard yourself from an unkind situation. Typically, when you do this you are crying and are afraid; so, it only made sense to put this tattoo on my bicep area, but the part that’s the closest to where I would hide my face if I were crying. Also, during my time of asking God this time around about where to put it, I had asked if he wanted me to start on the left side BUT He said no. For now, or for forever depending on what God says, my left side is the only side that will be holding tattoos. Maybe this doesn’t matter as much to others, but I believe (for me personally at least) that if I get a tattoo, if I put something permanent on the vessel God is allowing me to be in, that He needs to have the final say in ALL of the details, big or small.
My question for you to ponder this week: What is something bold that you have done this week/decided to do at some point? What did you learn about yourself through that bold act? What did you learn about God because of this as well?
